I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool