ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.