and you said cock pushups were impossible
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town