Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
it's like heaven, but drunker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold