she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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