She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.