Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
