Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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