Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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