Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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