whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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