A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
