I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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