I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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