I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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