flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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