dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
