I wanna bring you to show and tell
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
