There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
