sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
