it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ttyl tear gas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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