First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize