Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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