So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
