I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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