I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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