I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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