i would punch a child for taco bell
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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