do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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