why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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