I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
