so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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