fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
