You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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