so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
