who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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