So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
