if you like me you must not know who I am
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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