No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
