There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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