He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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