I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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