i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize