$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
