If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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