The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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