You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
