whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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