why didn't you poke me back
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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