So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
