Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
