I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
