You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
