I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
