Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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