is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
