I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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