I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
handjob tips. give me some.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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