ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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