Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
