dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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