moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
