so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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