my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
