This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
