I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
