I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
