i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
