I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no you cant smoke seaweed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
